Contributed by: Jet on Sunday, September 12 2010 @ 08:38 am
Last modified on
Imagine that somehow, a clone was created of you. This clone is your same exact age, and it has memory of all the same experiences you have had. And, naturally, the clone has all of the same likes and dislikes and opinions you have too. What might a conversation about you and your clone sound like?
“Don't you love this movie?”
“Yeah, I totally love that movie, especially part X.”
“Yeah, part X is great.”
(Silence.)
It might be fun to do nothing but agree at first, but it gets old really quickly. Whether we like to admit it or not, human beings thrive on conflict. That's why our movies and novels aren't about people sitting around talking about how great their lives are. Some might ultimately want a happy ending, but everyone wants to be thrilled along the way. And that means conflict.
Why, then, when we're searching on an online dating site, would we only contact those people who seem to be as close to clones as we can manage?
It's completely understandable that we would want to meet someone with whom we have some things in common; it might help to get conversations started. But I recently met someone who was an art major, and he told me he would mentally dismiss potential dates immediately if they weren't familiar with some obscure artists. Yes, that's right: he expected his dates to be so knowledgeable in art that they could potentially have a degree in it. His reasoning? “Well, a guy's got to have his standards.”
Here's a thought: if his date seemed interested in art, why couldn't he teach her a bit about it? Why should she have to arrive a ready-made clone? And here's an even more novel thought: what could he learn from her?
When you're trying to find a romantic match, you're also trying to find a friend. Romantic chemistry is good, but friends also need to be able to have conversations. It's just as easy to talk about what you don't have in common as what you do (provided the topics aren't the kind that raise blood pressure, and maybe even that's not so bad in moderation).
The next time you peruse online profiles or prepare to go on your first date, keep an open mind. Who knows what you might learn, or discuss? Do you want a clone, or a conversation?