Contributed by: Jet on Saturday, January 05 2013 @ 09:44 am
Last modified on
There’s a common misconception about online dating: some people think that “finding” a significant other through an online dating site means you’ve “fallen in love” without ever meeting in person. While it’s probably happened a few times, it’s not really recommended, and it’s certainly not common. So why all confusion?
Well, when the internet first began to catch on in popularity, the online world was a smaller place. The odds of talking to someone from your hometown or even state were far more slim. At the same time, it opened up a world of opportunity for people who felt it difficult to find friends or romance in their local area. Suddenly they could find the few fans who liked that obscure television show or had the same hobby. Sometimes their feelings deepened, even if they were in other towns or countries.
That can still happen today, but online dating sites are more like the evolution of the town dance hall than a worldwide Love Search. More people have the internet, so it’s possible to find a fellow obscure TV show fan in your very own city. Sure, you may have all the benefits of an internet-wide search, but you can usually find a sizable pool within a 50-mile radius - so most online sites operate under the assumption that you’re looking locally. And when you’re looking at a local profile, there’s really no reason not to meet in person and quickly move to the next level if there’s chemistry - so why not find someone local if you can?
Perhaps the real misconception people have is that they think online dating sites are the actual place in which you fall in love. In reality, most sites are designed to be the bar or grocery store or mall in which you “bump” into one another. You get a first impression, a quick once-over to decide if you’re interested in meeting and testing your chemistry; you aren’t intended to fall in love with the profile.
It seems like a relatively simple and obvious difference, but perhaps due to this societal confusion, signals get muddled all the time. People stress out over how to phrase the smallest sentence. Others freeze and delay their first date because they focused on their profile so much they never really thought about meeting in person.
So as you settle down to peruse profiles, bear in mind: an online dating site is really only a medium in which to say hello. The big decisions should only come after meeting in person. It can help you make a smooth, planned first impression, but it shouldn’t be the only impression - so try not to stress about feelings or the future until after you’ve verified that there’s really a spark there.