Contributed by: Jet on Monday, March 14 2011 @ 08:04 am
Last modified on
Unless you’re a teenager, chances are that the next person you have a relationship with has been in a relationship before. Maybe they’ve been in several relationships, or a few very long-term ones. To most, this is acceptable; still, many balk at dating someone who has previously been in a marriage.
Most of the reservations seem to be based on stereotypes; “Anyone who has been through a divorce is obviously going to be bitter,” one might think. I’ve heard people say things like, “If you date someone who has been widowed, you can never measure up to the deceased spouse.” Despite the fact that marriage is “just a piece of paper,” the very word seems to strike fear in the hearts of potential matches.
In reality, those who have been divorced or widowed want the exact same thing that everyone else does: to be happy in a good relationship. Their last relationship has ended; maybe because they wanted it to, maybe not, but either way they’ve learned more about what makes them happy and what doesn’t. They have the rest of their lives ahead of them, and they want the best experience possible. Is that really any different than someone who’s never been married before?
“But I would feel weird talking around all that baggage!” some might say. The truth is, whether we have government proof or not, we all have baggage and sore spots. A conversation with a new person always has the potential to trigger a bad memory you didn’t know about, whether it’s the loss of a parent or a sticky divorce. There are no extra “land mines” with someone who’s been married before; in fact, something like a divorce from a quick marriage, many years before, might not bother someone at all.
Rather than making assumptions based on the marital status of your potential match, get to know them without labels. Single, divorced or widowed, we’re all just people looking for love; if you’re ready to move on and be happy, do the events of the past really matter?