Contributed by: Jet on Monday, July 16 2012 @ 05:30 pm
Last modified on
Love is frequently described as a rollercoaster. The metaphor can be a little misleading - you shouldn’t spend all your time with your stomach in your mouth or around your knees, sweating and fearful. However, even the most happy, stable relationships still have their gentle ups and downs, or their surprising corners, as the couple pulls apart a little and rediscovers one another.
As time passes in a relationship, “rollercoaster” might not be as fitting a term as “mild water ride,” as theoretically your ups and downs resemble more of a gentle wave. You shouldn’t necessarily have that butterfly “thrill” in your stomach for years on end (even the rollercoaster gets a little less exciting after that long). This is fairly normal; however, if you’ve never really been in an established relationship, your expectations of your “amusement park experience” can be a little skewed. Could it be possible that you’re expecting too much or too little from your rollercoaster?
For example, some thrill-seekers have trouble letting go of their stomach butterflies. As time passes and the relationship begins to settle into a comfortable routine, they go into a panic. By communicating openly with their partner, some may find healthy outlets to liven things up together - new games or experiences. But for others, that isn’t enough, or there really is a disconnect in their and their partner’s expectations; sometimes it can lead to a breakup, or cheating.
If this sounds like you, ask yourself what you’re really looking for in a relationship. Is it the thrill of the chase? Were you dissatisfied in other ways, and the “excitement level” is just an excuse? It is possible that you just didn’t fit a partner that was the right fit; however, sometimes some deeper self-examination is required.
Others don’t expect a thrill ride at all. They’re ready to settle down into a long-term relationship, and they think that means one where excitement is absent altogether. They, too, are misguided - a relationship can be stable and healthy, but still have lust and excitement, especially at the beginning! Everyone knows that your “butterflies” lessen over time, so who wants to start out without any butterflies at all?
If you fall into this category, it may be prudent to ask yourself if you’re settling for something because you want to reach your goal of “being in a relationship.” There’s nothing wrong with making compromises in a relationship - all relationships have them - but you’re also looking to find someone with whom you are mutually happy. Are you depriving yourself because you think it’s the best you can do? Love isn’t just about excitement, but fun and enjoyment is certainly part of it.
Before you think you’ve gotten yourself into the wrong relationship, remember that not everyone is in sync all the time. The best way to figure out if you’ve gotten on the wrong ride is to communicate with your partner. More often than not, the two of you can simply regroup, choose a different line, and enjoy the new experience together.