Contributed by: kellyseal on Wednesday, October 17 2012 @ 09:32 am
Last modified on
We often tell ourselves a story about how love should happen, instead of letting life take its course. We want to control and dictate everything, or at least the most important things, from what a man should look like - to what kind of background he has - to being able to commit when we want a commitment.
Of course, life never quite unfolds in the way you expect. Which is why we find ourselves confused, frustrated, and lonely when it comes to finding love - dating can be such a long, arduous process. You date men or women who don't live up to your expectations, and then you're disappointed. Or maybe you feel that you should be in a serious relationship by now, but for some reason, it has eluded you.
You might tell yourself the following:
All of these "shoulds" can be exhausting. And imagine telling yourself these "shoulds" several times a day - your brain would be on overload from all of the things you should be doing but aren't. It's enough to make you want to curl up on the couch, turn on the TV and bypass dating and relationships altogether.
But what if you were to look at life in a different way, one that was a little more open to new experiences. Opportunities that don't look like what you expect, but could bring you even more happiness. I like the word "could." It's much more open than "should."
Often, the shoulds get in the way of what will actually make us happy. Instead of planning your life based on what others expect, or what you think is right, have a little more flexibility. Enjoy someone's company instead of talking yourself out of it. Don't put undue pressure on yourself to be in a different place in your life - enjoy meeting people and fine-tuning your wants and needs as you go along.
It's also important to focus on the present moment - what you have in your life right now. A great group of friends? A good job? A nice home? The ocean close by to surf in the mornings? Make a list of all of the things you're grateful for and read it every day, to remind you of what you have now. Then ditch your "shoulds."