Contributed by: Jet on Thursday, March 03 2011 @ 10:11 am
Last modified on
Picture this: you’re on a romantic date, having a great time. Your date leans in, and gently, lovingly whispers: “Tell me about the worst break-up you’ve ever had.”
Sound strange? Maybe inappropriate? I agree! However, similar moments happen on first dates all the time - dates of the blind or online variety, that is.
It’s an icebreaker I’ve seen used more than once. On a blind date, someone will ask, “So, do you have any blind date horror stories?” One member of a couple who met on an online dating site might say, “I was so nervous about meeting you. You see, this one time...”
It’s counter-intuitive, really. Why would we want to talk about something negative? Why bring up the worst experiences we can think of?
Well, there are a few possibilities. The most obvious one is insecurity. People who still have reservations about “unusual” dating methods might still feel self-conscious about it. By bringing up unfortunate dates in the past, they’re reassuring themselves that they, and their date, are not the stereotypical online dating material. Other people, the people in the horror stories, might fit the stereotype, but this time it’s “special.”
Another possibility is that the person who brings up unfortunate dates is actually trying to grow closer to their new match. By comparing battle scars, you’re sharing something in common, creating a sort of camaraderie, “us against the world.” Are there other, better things you could find in common? Sure, but people occasionally panic and blurt out sub-optimal topics of conversation on first dates.
Even if discussing bad dates comes from a good place, it’s best avoided, if at all possible. If you’re willing to discuss a bad date in the past - particularly if you’re animated, making it as funny as possible - your date might wonder if you’re on a date with them solely to gather fodder for your next humorous anecdote. Additionally, it’s never a good idea to discuss the negative, particularly on a first date. Moods are contagious; if you’re upbeat and positive, your date will feel more warm and fuzzy toward you in turn. Why take a risk with cynical and negative subject matter? Find positive ways to connect, and avoid an unnecessary gamble.