Contributed by: Jet on Sunday, November 20 2011 @ 08:50 am
Last modified on
I know a girl, “Mina,” who has hardly any trouble getting dates. No, she’s not outrageously beautiful, nor does she have any magic spellbook. Instead, she knows a little about everything, and has an uncanny ability to get along with - and, essentially, mold her personality to - just about anyone.
While some might think her lucky, Mina has a problem; she’s never been happy in a long-term relationship. “Finding a guy is no problem,” she complained. “But it never seems to work out in the end.”
Mina’s problem seems obvious to everyone but Mina herself; she’s not in tune with who she really is, and what she really wants. Thus, though she can be compatible with almost anyone on the surface, she never truly gets comfortable.
It’s common for people to become immersed in the life of their new partner; they’re being introduced to new interests and ideas, which seem all the better because their partner is so wonderful. Everyone is changed, at least a little, by their significant other. So how can we tell whether we’re simply changing the normal amount, or whether we have a problem like Mina?
First consider the balance of influence. Sure, you’re learning a lot from your new partner; are they learning much from you, or are you the only sponge in the couple? Do you feel as though one of you is always the teacher, and the other the student?
What about your friends and family? Have they noticed a marked difference in your behavior? Again, a little of this is normal; imagine if suddenly you were together every day with someone who was from a different part of the country or world. Eventually, new slang might creep into your everyday speech, or maybe your accent would be affected. However, it’s unlikely that you’d begin speaking like you were born and raised elsewhere, unless you were quite suggestible. Using those around you as a gauge can help you determine if your behavior has changed excessively.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your new life, with your new partner. However, it’s equally important that your new partner enjoys an authentic you. If you’re truly comfortable with each other, other aspects of a successful relationship, like communication, are all the more easy. Why not make sure you’re starting off on the right foot? Remember: your partner wasn’t looking for a clone, or a student - they were looking for you.