Contributed by: Jet on Thursday, March 21 2013 @ 09:08 am
Last modified on
Once you get past your first few first-contact emails, it becomes considerably easier to send more. Similarly, after the first time you head out on a first date, the next time often isn’t as daunting. There’s always the flutter of anticipation, but cold-sweat dread? Maybe not quite as much. In general, dating becomes easier. However, for some people, it can become a bit too easy.
You see, once you become comfortable with dating, there’s a bit of a tightrope walk that must be balanced. On the one hand, we want to enjoy this stage of the relationship, take in the moment, and not be too focused on what comes next. But on the other hand, we don’t want to lose sight of the overarching goal - and for many, that is one long-term relationship, not several pleasant first dates.
At this point, you might be outright snorting at the idea. “Yes, I like first dates so much I just keep going on them. Sure.” But some people absolutely do get stuck in that groove. For some, it’s a matter of comfort; yes, first dates can be awkward, but they’re also rather predictable. There’s the typical getting-to-know-you talk, and there’s not much risk of extreme emotional or physical intimacy. There are lots of tips on creating a successful first date, and some have worked hard to develop that skill. They feel they’ve mastered this stage - and maybe, some part of them is hesitant at moving on to the unknown.
For others, they’re just not ready to move on to the next stage yet. It’s not a matter of fear, but rather of freedom; perhaps they’ve not had much chance to date in the past, and they’re enjoying the ability to meet many new people at once. Maybe, even though they think they want a long-term relationship, they’re enjoying the breather for now.
And, of course, there are still others who haven’t progressed beyond the first-date stage simply because they haven’t clicked with anyone yet. There’s a chance they might be dating the wrong sorts of people, ones who won’t click, but chemistry remains a rather mysterious quality. Finding love rests, in part, on luck - and further, on the luck of two separate people, not one! It’s possible to be doing everything “right” without landing that spark.
So if you find yourself in the first-date groove, perhaps you should ask yourself: is there a reason for it? Are you ready to move on - and do you really want to? Is it time to try something out of your personal box, or are you comfortable with the results you’ve been getting? Sometimes just asking yourself these questions can allow you to reassess, and be more adept at “keeping your head in the game.”