Contributed by: Jet on Tuesday, January 22 2013 @ 09:16 am
Last modified on
In most online dating sites, the format of a profile is much the same: there’s a section where you talk about yourself, and a section where you talk about what (who, really) you’re looking for. The latter section is where many run into trouble; if they knew exactly what they wanted, wouldn’t they have found it by now? Or doesn’t everyone want someone who is absolutely perfect and probably doesn’t exist? Or how do they know that what they think they want is actually what would make a good match? But the other day, Rose, a friend, brought up another problem with the “looking for” section: she thinks it might ultimately be dehumanizing.
“After all,” she pointed out, “it feeds into the ‘on demand’ syndrome. It’s bad enough some people think that since they’re using an internet service, the perfect match should be delivered to them; this just makes them feel like they’re putting in their order at the drive-thru window.”
Does Rose have a point? Maybe - but though the “Looking for” section might not be perfect, there are certainly benefits. For example, imagine you’re reading a profile and the person seems great - so great, in fact, that you begin to fear they’re a little out of your league. Then you read the “looking for” section, and it sounds like they could be talking about you! You pluck up your courage and contact them.
Likewise, imagine you’re reading the same profile, but it doesn’t seem like that person is looking for you at all. You have a choice now; you can still roll the dice and contact the person - there’s no harm in it. But if they aren’t interested, or there’s ultimately no spark, the sting is lessened - you knew it was a long shot from the beginning.
Granted, sometimes people don’t really know what they want, and sometimes they’re demanding a little too much when they list what they want, but these problems will become apparent soon enough. And the profile-writer might have learned a lesson or two in what really makes someone compatible. And, of course, you’re looking for a person, not just a set of traits - everything is always on a case-by-case basis. But the ‘looking for’ section can at least get people with compatible interests pointed in the general direction of one another.
So perhaps the ‘looking for’ section does less harm than good, and should stay for the time being. And what about Rose’s concerns - how to avoid thinking of your date like a burger and fries? Well, for starters, remember that you’re listing what you’re “looking for” - you’re not making a list of demands. And perhaps the more broad you are, the better; you’re dealing with real people and real insecurities. Don’t you want as many people as possible to feel comfortable contacting you - ones who don’t think you’re just ordering at a drive-thru?