Contributed by: Jet on Monday, October 11 2010 @ 09:28 am
Last modified on
A girl I know, “Kelly,” just went on a first date with someone she met on an online dating site. To put it simply, sparks did not fly. He “teased” her and it hit a sore spot; she thought he was maybe a little too obsessive about his interests; and he was clearly more interested in her than she was in him. So, naturally, at the end of the date she agreed to a second one.
Wait, what?
Why did Kelly agree to a second date? She doesn't know. She didn't want to be “mean.” She doesn't think it's actually worth pursuing; she doesn't think the first date suffered from standard first-meeting awkwardness. She really thinks they're incompatible. And yet, she's going to (presumably) go through it all again on a second date – because she doesn't want to be “mean.”
Let me make this perfectly clear: prolonging a relationship when one or both parties is not feeling it is not being nice. Quite the opposite.
Kelly knows this guy is into her; now, if she breaks it off after the second date, he'll wonder what he did wrong. After all, he was the same guy on their first date, and that went fine.
See, no one enjoys breaking a relationship off, even if it hasn't even begun. Contrary to what TV and movies will have you believe, turning down an offer for a even a first date is often painful for both parties. No one wants to be the bad guy.
However, in Kelly's case, she'll have to be the bad guy sooner or later. And later, there will probably be more hurt feelings than if she had declined to meet again after one meeting.
As you go out on your first dates, assess the situation. Sure, there's nothing wrong with having a second date if you feel the first one was too short or busy to really allow you to make up your mind. But if you know for sure that you're not interested, be strong for the sake of you both, and be willing to be the bad guy. It might not be fun, but it's the decent thing to do. Besides, by wasting time on empty dates, you're hindering the both of you from finding true matches. In the long run, it's what's best for you both.