Contributed by: kellyseal on Sunday, August 07 2011 @ 09:30 am
Last modified on
Sometimes you just don't feel chemistry with a date, even after you've been out a few times. Your habit may be to let their calls go to voicemail and leave their texts unanswered, letting them figure out that you're not interested. But is this the right way to date?
I suggest having a little more accountability to the people you date, even if you only see them once or meet them through an online dating site. Just because they don't know your friends and family doesn't mean that you can treat them disrespectfully. Having some accountability and being honest with your dates goes a long way in the dating process, and makes things easier on you in the long run.
But if you consider yourself a nice person and have trouble letting your dates down, what should you do? I had the same issue, and until I faced it, unfortunately it kept reappearing. One day a friend finally said to me, "Most guys would rather just know you're not interested than wonder. Don't try to be nice and pretend like you'll go out with them again, or keep them guessing by cancelling dates. It's the not knowing how you feel that's the worst. Then they will think of all the things they could have done wrong, or all the things they said that might have offended you. When in reality, you just weren't feeling attracted to them. They would prefer honesty over kindness."
That really hit home for me. I had always assumed men wanted to be treated with kindness, so I would play the disappearing game: cancelling dates due to my crazy work schedule, hoping they would eventually understand I wasn't interested. But instead, they didn't know what to make of me, and thought I was playing games.
Being honest was hard at first. I had to tell some of my dates that I wasn't attracted to them, or that I didn't feel a connection, which was difficult for me. But this ironically was not hard for them; they appreciated the honesty, as my friend said they would. And they moved on quickly. It changed my dating life. It became easier for me to meet new people, rather than more difficult.
Also, don't create a false sense of hope with promises to be friends or by saying that you're not ready for a relationship right now. It's best to be honest about how you feel. When you try to let your dates down too easily, they could misinterpret and believe that a relationship down the line may be a possibility.
Bottom line: we're all adults when we're dating, so treat your dates with common courtesy, honesty, and the same way you'd like to be treated: with respect.