Contributed by: kellyseal on Friday, September 09 2011 @ 09:27 am
Last modified on
When my dating life wasn't going well or I'd just come from a bad date, I liked to discuss it with my friends. Together, we'd analyze and rationalize why I was the perfect date and the man was...not. Or we'd commiserate over the fact that there were no good single men out there for us.
While it cheered me up to think that it wasn't my fault that my dating life was disappointing, this wasn't true. I chose to make excuses like: "I keep meeting unavailable men," or "the good ones are all taken." This allowed me to hide for a while and shut down my online dating profile, or blame the men I was meeting for being a constant source of disappointment. I convinced myself that he wasn't "out there," which only made it harder for anyone to think about dating me.
Instead of lamenting over the fact that you're not meeting anyone special, or maybe anyone period...it's time to try something different. There are a lot of single men out there, and following are some tips on how to keep yourself ready to meet them:
Regain a positive attitude. Nothing turns a man off more than being judged quickly. If you think that men you meet are players, or dull, or not successful, or too serious, or anything else that may disqualify them from dating you, stop. Instead of listing negative attributes when you meet someone (because honestly, you don't really know them and have no cause to judge), keep an open mind. Give all the men you meet a real chance. Then watch your opportunities multiply.
Optimize your online search. Get a friend to help you with your profile and pictures so that your best self shines through. Have some personality in your description, and show potential matches what your interests are (biking? Stand-up comedy? Cooking?). They don't want a laundry list of what you don't want, so leave that out. Focus on what you're passionate about. That's always attractive.
Go where the men congregate. Networking events are a good way to meet single men, as they like to get new business contacts in addition to meeting women. Happy hours are also good---sports bars or restaurants in close proximity to downtown/ work areas are best. Don't be afraid to circulate. If you're shy, get a friend to go with you to help you introduce yourself.
Relax. This is most important, because if you're on a mission to find a boyfriend or husband, or even just to hook up, men sense it and run for the hills. Instead of putting so much emphasis on the end result and constantly asking yourself, "is this guy worth my time?" relax and get to know him. It's never a waste of time to engage with someone. Even if he isn't right for you, he can teach you something. These lessons do help us prepare for meeting someone special...because they help us know what we truly want.