Contributed by: kellyseal on Thursday, October 21 2010 @ 09:20 am
Last modified on
I recently married after being single for more years than I care to admit. I thought there was something wrong with me, as all of my other friends seemed to find partners and settle down while I was still posting online dating profiles. Then I realized that I was placing more emphasis on timing than on really finding the right person. I was more concerned with how my life compared to others, and it almost sabotaged my love life.
When I met my husband for the first time, I decided to approach dating him in a different way. Instead of analyzing everything, sizing him up, or otherwise trying to “save time” by deciding early on whether or not I should continue dating him, I decided to just enjoy our time together. I would take things one day at a time, without being concerned about whether he was the right one for me. Sure, I was hesitant about our long-term prospects, but I didn’t care. I was enjoying our time together, and decided to go with the flow.
This turned out to be the best decision I ever made.
When we spend the majority of our time analyzing, critiquing, and dismissing our dates, we are doing ourselves and them a disservice. Love is not necessarily an instant feeling, like lust. Rather, it’s an intimacy, a real connection. And one that builds as you spend time together and get to know each other. It also builds as you let go of expectations and control. Many of us want to control our relationships and how they progress, whether we realize it or not. Letting go and allowing relationships to exist and grow on their own is key to recognizing the right person when you see him.
There is another important factor in determining whether or not someone is right for you. Do you tend to fall in love quickly and easily? If so, you may want to separate yourself from your emotions, and listen to your gut. Our intuitions always steer us in the right direction. If he seems perfect, but you can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right, most likely something isn’t quite right. Trust your intuition.
Also, pay attention to his actions as well as his words. If he says all the right things but is not good about returning phone calls, making plans, or treating you with respect and consideration, that is a sign that he may not be who he says he is.
If you find yourself in a dating rut, trust yourself and let go of your old way of doing things. Enjoy the moment when you’re on dates. Don’t try to control the progression of the relationship. And most importantly, pay attention to your instincts, no matter what. When you do these things, it will be clear to you whether or not you’re dating Mr. Right.