Contributed by: kellyseal on Saturday, October 09 2010 @ 09:18 am
Last modified on
I'm a Libra and have tended to be a people-pleaser, especially when it comes to romance. When I went on a date and didn't feel the chemistry was there, I didn't want to let him know. I couldn't be direct about how I was feeling because I didn't want him to be upset with me, or feel like the date was a waste of time. If he asked me out again, I tended to say yes and then cancel. I would avoid emails, thinking eventually he'd get the picture.
Of course, this method was all wrong. And it screwed up my dating life. I spent most of my time and energy in avoidance.
In fact, many times the same thing happened to me in reverse. The men in my life would seem interested in me and then not call. I would make excuses for them or come up with stories to explain their sudden disappearance. In reality, they just weren't interested. But I would have liked to know how they felt, even if it meant being hurt for a little while. It beat wondering what I was doing wrong.
I discovered that in my case, honesty was the best policy. Instead of trying to be nice and letting my date down easy if I wasn't interested in seeing him again, or worse, avoiding him altogether, I learned that saying what I felt was far more important than preserving a man's feelings. Since I would rather know the truth, wouldn't they feel the same?
I'm not advocating being rude when I use the word "direct". Rather, I believe that if you are afraid of hurting a man's feelings by turning him down, you aren't doing him or yourself any favors. Instead of finding excuses like being busy with work or traveling, let him know that you feel the chemistry isn't there. This allows you both to move on, without all the confusion.