Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Wednesday, May 16 2012 @ 09:24 am
Last modified on
2011 was a tough year for love. It seems like almost everyone I know went through a bad breakup, and they're still experiencing the aftershocks from their lost loves a quarter of the way through 2012. Twice yesterday I was asked for advice on healing the heart and moving on after the end of a relationship, once from a good friend and once from my younger brother. Clearly, in the wake of 2011's disastrous effects on our love lives, breakups are still on everyone's mind.
The first piece of advice that came into my mind was a cliché: it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Trite? Yes. But also true. The first step to healing after a breakup is to think about the relationship as a positive experience. Remember what was good about your time together and focus on the lessons you're taking away from it. Don't dwell on the pain of the breakup itself.
That being said, you don't have to pretend that everything is rainbows and puppies and glitter and cupcakes. You just went through a breakup...that hurts. And it's ok to let it hurt. Allow yourself to take time out to clear your mind and heart.
When you break a leg, it needs time to heal before you can walk on it again. Likewise, when your heart is broken, it needs time to heal before it's ready to explore the possibility of a loving again. Don't rush into a new relationship too quickly. It may feel like a easy way to fill the void, but in the long run you'll be doing your heart more damage than good.
Let yourself experience emotions, but don't wallow in them. Drowning in negativity is never the answer. Find ways to express your emotions that aren't self-destructive (or harmful to anyone else). Airing your ex's dirty laundry on Facebook isn't a healthy way to rehabilitate your emotions after a breakup, but taking up a creative pursuit - like drawing, writing, or playing music - is. Just think about how much art is about heartbreak...that's because it works! Creation is one of the most powerful healers out there.
While you're busy exploring your post-breakup emotional state, resist the temptation to analyze everything. Over-analysis has never gotten anyone anywhere, except maybe deeper into depression. You probably have lots of questions - Will I ever love someone this much again? How many times did he lie to me? Why did she stop loving me? Is it my fault? - but don't ask them. Accept that there will always be some questions that you can't answer.
And always, in the back of your mind, remember: Time is the best healer.