Contributed by: kellyseal on Friday, March 08 2013 @ 11:18 am
Last modified on
You've been out a couple of times with a man you met online, and you're just not feeling it. He sends you a text to see if you want to get together that night and you'd rather stay home and watch your DVR. So what do you normally do? Do you let him down easy, telling him that you're really busy with work and can't pursue a relationship now? Or maybe you take a more direct approach, telling him you're just not interested in him.
Apparently, how you break things off with a potential love interest depends on your gender.
According to a recent study reported on DatingAdvice.com, women tend to let their male suitors down more easily. Women are much more sensitive about hurting a man's feelings than men, the study reports.
Participants were presented with an emailed date request, and were told to respond authentically and honestly. Rejection strategies varied from person to person, but researchers found that most responses fell into one of seven categories: direct, explanation, apology, appreciation, concern, encouragement, and pursuing a different relationship (i.e. being friends).
Most men were likely to respond to an unwanted date with direct rejection, while the women tended to prefer responding with encouragement or appreciation.
When I was dating, I often fell into this trap too. I wanted to let my dates down easy, even if I wasn't interested. Sometimes this meant I dated them longer than I intended, and sometimes it meant I made up excuses of being busy to avoid seeing them. This was not a good approach, and one date called me on my bad behavior and told me that I needed to be honest. He told me that while most women tried to be nice, men appreciated the women who were direct and didn't waste their time if they weren't interested. "Forget about saving feelings," he said to me. "I'd rather not waste my time if this isn't going anywhere. I'm a grown man. I can handle it." That was a true wake-up call for me.
So what's the best approach? In my opinion, it's better to be direct (without being rude or arrogant of course). As my former date mentioned, who wants to be strung along?
My suggestion is to let the guy know that you just don't feel a connection, sooner rather than later. There's no need to drag things out if you're not having a good time. Remember: you're not responsible for how he reacts to the news, so there's no need to feel guilty and make excuses. Instead, be honest, and don't get upset if the next guy you date is equally honest with you. A relationship is right when it's right. You can't force attraction.