Contributed by: kellyseal on Thursday, November 08 2012 @ 09:12 am
Last modified on
A friend of mine recently went through a tough break-up. I met her one afternoon for lunch and she couldn't stop crying, and was disturbed because she didn't think the pain would ever go away. A rush of old memories flooded me while I was with her. I remembered those feelings of helplessness, of being in love with someone who was no longer in love with me.
I tried to say comforting words, to give her hope. But the truth is, breaking up is hard. It's like a wound that takes time and patience and care to heal properly. If you have a gash that isn't treated, it gets infected and it won't properly heal, leading to worse problems. This is why it's so important to give ourselves a break after a break-up - and the time we need to heal our hearts.
Following are some tips if you are suffering from a recent break-up:
Nurture yourself. When you first break up, it's devastating heartbreak. Do simple things to help nurture yourself, whether it's taking a hot bath, watching a silly movie, reading a great book, or anything else that might help lift your spirits or take you away from your situation for a bit. Take this time to be loving to yourself.
Don't blame yourself. It's easy to think of reasons why you caused the break-up, or what you could have done differently to make it work. Stop blaming yourself. Instead of thinking what you could have done differently, know that you are on the path to healing and knowing your wants and needs in a relationship better than you did before.
Keep your distance from your ex love. As tempting as it might be to reach out to him or her, even over text or email, resist. Making that call or sending that text won't give you what you want (like your old relationship back). Instead, give yourself some distance. Even though you feel lost and want to be reassured by your old love, likely it will only make you feel worse. When you feel like reaching out to him, call a friend instead.
Reach out to friends. It's not easy to be vulnerable, but friends and family are there to support you through hard times. Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and ask them to come over and eat dinner or watch a movie with you. Being able to talk with friends is an important part of letting go.
Know that this isn't your last relationship. It might seem like the end of the world, but it's far from that. Remember that you will find love again, and your heart will be open to it. Just give yourself the time and space to heal first.