Contributed by: Jet on Monday, July 09 2012 @ 02:51 pm
Last modified on
We hear the phrase often - “the perfect match.” Some people take it literally, and try to look for someone who is actually perfect. It’s easy for most to see that this approach is misguided - nobody’s perfect. Still, even those who aren’t looking for the objectively perfect person might still be unrealistic in their expectations.
A better way to describe the one we look for might be, “The perfect match for me.” Still, that phrase can mean many different things, depending on who’s saying it. For example, I’ve encountered people who think that when they meet the “right one” for them, that person will have flaws, sure - but that they won’t actually be bothered by them! They’ll take the propensity to leave the toothpaste cap off with a smile, or their chainsaw snoring or busybody tendencies will be “cute.”
The simple fact is, when we say “nobody’s perfect” we mean “no one makes you happy one hundred percent of the time.” There are absolutely moments in every happy relationship where you grit your teeth or complain to one another. There are moments when you feel annoyed, when you argue, when you’re glad your home has more than one room so you can be in a separate one. To hold out for someone who does not bug you in the slightest is being irrational. And even if you find someone you think is truly perfect, if you’re honest with yourself you can identify a few less-than-ideal moments. And that’s okay.
Finding the right match for you doesn’t mean finding someone you find perfect; it means finding someone whose good traits greatly outweigh the bad, in both quantity and quality. A happy relationship is worth a rolled eye or an argument once in a great while. There’s also a difference between a bad habit that you can laugh about and something you come to really resent - but often resentment of something small is a symptom of a soured relationship, not a cause. Most importantly, in a good relationship, even when you have your darker moments you can communicate and pull through into the sun together.
So as you peruse profiles and go on dates, don’t expect perfection. Look for someone you enjoy, with whom you have chemistry, and with whom you can communicate. In a long-term relationship, you’ll find something to be annoyed with eventually - and your partner will find things about you that they find annoying! It’s how you handle it together that matters.