Contributed by: kellyseal on Monday, July 23 2012 @ 07:53 am
Last modified on
When you're dating, there is a lot of ambiguity, because people approach it in different ways.
Let me explain. I was having lunch with a friend who's in his twenties, and he has been very happily dating someone for the past few months. But they haven't had any talks of being exclusive, and frankly, he doesn't want to because he's not looking to have a girlfriend anytime soon. When I asked him about her, he said, "just because we're seeing each other doesn't mean I'll stop dating other women." He'd already met another woman that he really clicked with, and they made plans for the following night.
So I have to ask - is my friend correct? Is it fine for you to date people indefinitely without calling them "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" because you're not exclusive (or not intending to be)? Or is there something wrong with this attitude?
I decided this topic needed some discussion, because there is so much confusion surrounding when to have a conversation about being exclusive. It seems almost like the kiss of death for relationships.
There's nothing wrong with "playing the field" when you're dating, provided that you treat your dates with respect. And just because you have more of a player perspective don't expect all of your dates to jump on board.
Following are a few rules if you're dating multiple people at once, to keep you and your dates from misunderstanding each other:
State your intentions. If you have no intention to get serious with one person, or you don't want to date exclusively, then you better say so from the start. There's nothing worse than finding out after a dozen dates that your guy has also been seeing three other women. Just be upfront about your motives.
Don't tease. If you like to flatter a woman with compliments or tell her she's special, this isn't a good practice if you're dating several women at once. Lay off the romantic talk unless you're willing to put your heart where your mouth is. (And don't do this just to get her to sleep with you - have more class than that.)
Have a timeframe. Don't date a man for six months without having "the talk" about exclusivity or boundaries. This shows you to be immature and a bit of a user, waiting for someone better to come along. If you aren't interested in being in a relationship after a few months of dating or you're unsure, then let him know so he can decide to whether or not to move on.
And for those of you who are dating and want to start a relationship:
Don't expect exclusivity. Just because you've had four amazing dates with the man of your dreams and are fantasizing about your future together, don't assume he feels the same. Chemistry is a powerful force, but don't let it guide you into dropping all of your online dating memberships because you've finally found "the one." Keep dating others, until you both are ready and willing to have a conversation about exclusivity. He is probably doing the same.