Dating After Divorce: Dipping Your Toe Back In The Dating Pool

Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Sunday, June 02 2013 @ 10:30 am

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You either have this friend or you are this friend: every time the subject of dating comes up, That Friend launches into a rant about how much they hate dating. That Friend is tired of playing games. That Friend is bored of hearing the same old, played out lines. That Friend thinks dating is a waste of time. That Friend is convinced there's no one out there for them.

Yesterday, I had dinner with That Friend. As is often the case, That Friend is recently divorced and dreading the thought of having to dip her toe back in the dating pool. After years spent together with the same person, the prospect of dating again has practically sent her into a nervous breakdown.

I may still be in the stage when I think dating is awesome, but I get it. Dating after divorce isn't easy. In fact, it can be downright hard. The trick is to take those first steps with confidence and curiosity. Think of it as an adventure - there may be challenges along the way, but they won't be anything you can't overcome.

If you're newly single, here are a few things to keep in mind as you reenter the dating world:

1. Don't do it before you're ready. Moving on is a good thing, but moving on before you're ready will set you back even farther. You might be tempted to start seeing someone new right away to take your mind off your ex, but don't do it. Forcing a relationship before you're ready isn't healthy for you or fair to the person you're dating. Wait until you're in a positive, stable mindset to start exploring the singles' scene.
2. Comparisons are a waste of time. Don't compare your old life to your new one. Don't compare your old partner to potential new ones. Don't compare yourself to those around you. You are where you are - it is not better or worse, right or wrong. Constantly analyzing everything will leave you feeling worse than you did before. Don't overthink it. Be yourself. Allow new relationships to unfold naturally, at their own pace.
3. Keep an open mind. Who knows what (or who) this wonderful world has in store for you, now that you're single again? Something extraordinary could be just around the corner, but you'll never find it if you aren't willing to look. After a divorce, you think you know exactly what you like and dislike in a mate, but that doesn't mean you should be closed off to other experiences. Life is full of surprises, and by limiting yourself you might miss out on something wonderful. Stay flexible.

Dating after divorce will have its stressful moments, but the fun should overshadow the disasters. Savor every moment.

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