Contributed by: kellyseal on Saturday, May 05 2012 @ 07:54 am
Last modified on
Online dating can be exciting and full of possibility. Especially when you come across a match who piques your interest. You build incredible chemistry talking over the phone, chatting online, or emailing each other with flirtatious or witty conversation. You build up an enormous amount of anticipation for your first meeting, maybe even imagining walking down the aisle or taking romantic getaways together.
But then you meet for drinks and within five minutes, you realize that the chemistry you'd built online doesn't really hold up in person. You're not attracted to him. In fact, you want the date to end, and you're upset that you let yourself get carried away with your fantasies. You may wonder what went wrong - or why this person isn't all you thought they would be after so many emails, phone calls, and excited conversations.
What happened?
It's pretty typical to feel connected to someone emotionally after exchanging flirtatious text messages, emails, and phone calls. But the problem is, we aren't really getting to know them. We have a false sense of security with virtual communication. We just think we "get" who they really are, and we feel attracted. The real test of chemistry however, is when you meet in person. And really getting to know someone takes time.
I'm not suggesting that you should feel fireworks right away or call the whole thing off. But I am suggesting that many daters tend to fantasize about these dates they haven't met, based on their virtual connection. And they spend more time than they should texting, emailing, or calling when they should spend time together in person. They end up investing their emotions in something that may not pan out.
So instead of dragging out the virtual communication, plan to meet for a coffee with your match sooner rather than later. Some sites like eHarmony require a certain amount of online communication first which I don't think is such a great method, but most sites allow you to communicate with others pretty quickly.
The quicker you meet a potential match, the less time and emotional energy you spend building up a mental image of who you want them to be. For me, it was so much more disappointing to meet someone and have it not work out after I'd build such great virtual chemistry. I saved myself a lot of time and energy when I started bypassing the emails and just asked men out. They also seemed to appreciate it. I had better dates since I wasn't so caught up with my own expectations. I could truly enjoy myself.