Contributed by: Jet on Tuesday, July 26 2011 @ 07:39 am
Last modified on
Recently I met a guy, “Roy,” who told me he had relationship problems.
“I’m really awkward,” he said (in a forum). “I’m shy, and I’m just miserable at talking to people.”
Here’s the thing, though - he wasn’t miserable at talking to people. Whether it was pre-prepared posts or real-time text chat, he seemed confident, funny and interesting. And I’m not the first person to think so - Roy told me he’s had several relationships that have begun on the Internet, but typically didn’t work out due to distance issues.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “You said you were awkward, but I haven’t gotten that impression at all.”
“Typing on the Internet is just easier,” he said.
Though we don’t often think about it, human interaction is a skill we have to learn - and one we can lose if we don’t practice. Roy is shy, yes, but he’s also better at talking on the Internet because he does all the time, both for work and social interaction. He’s learned to express himself eloquently, and he’s comfortable with that medium.
In person, he’s not as adept, because he doesn’t often have to approach new people (unless they’re women he’s interested in - which just ups the pressure).
So, what can Roy do?
First, start small - he needs to approach people that he’s not interested in, so that he breaks the cycle of nerves. Just small talk, say, with the grocery store cashier. Next, he needs to move up to starting actual conversations - again, preferably with new people of either gender that he’s not attracted to. First he needs to become good at conversing easily in person; approaching someone he’s interested in is an entirely different step.
Finally, once he’s ready to talk to someone who appeals to him, he can’t consider it a cold-call for a date. Instead of approaching an attractive woman and blurting out a question, he needs to strike up a conversation, just as he would if she were the postman. If the conversation goes well, he can take it from there; if not, he’s just made small talk, which isn’t embarrassing at all.
To some, these steps might seem too small and inconsequential; however, to someone like Roy, they might just take a daunting task and break it into attainable goals.