Contributed by: Jet on Tuesday, January 15 2013 @ 09:33 am
Last modified on
Imagine you’re settling down to peruse some profiles. Heck, go ahead and actually settle down to peruse some profiles. Take a second to think about what you’ll be searching for. Attractiveness, surely, or at the very least a picture that grabs your attention. Maybe a specific interest, a favorite movie or a new hobby you’re excited about. What about searching for common dislikes? Did that make your personal list?
Chances are, probably not. Yet, it’s not uncommon to find a profile that has a litany of attributes and interests that they can’t abide. Sometimes it’s in the form of an obvious, over-the top diatribe; at others it’s more insidious, a one-off statement like “I’m not a party girl” or “I’m not a jock.” The question is, should we be on the lookout for statements like these as red flags? Should we make sure they’re omitted from our own profile?
As usual, context is everything. First, look at the general tone, whether it’s the profile of a stranger or your own work. Is the overall feel negative? Apologetic? Is the emphasis more on who the writer is not, or who they are? For example, consider: “I’m not athletic at all. I try to make it to the gym, but you know, easier said than done.” In this, the writer is clearly comparing themselves to someone more physically fit - and then they’re not meeting their own standard. One can almost imagine the raincloud that follows them already.
But a different context can make it seem much more positive: “I’m not athletic at all. I get more than enough exercise running around the city for my job, and in my spare time, I’d much rather be stretching my mind. It’s not unusual to find me holed up with a good book, or checking out a gallery opening.” In this example, the writer addresses their lack of athleticism with almost a wave of their hand. It’s used to better define what they like about themselves - their intellect and love of culture. It’s debatable whether they need to mention their athleticism at all, but at least it doesn’t bring down the tone of the overall profile.
Now, as for whether or not these should be considered red flags when you look at the profiles of others: again, pay attention to the context and tone. We’ve seen how easy it is for negative statements to slip in - but is the entire profile brimming with negativity? Catching one or two “dislikes” when you’re looking for them is one thing, but when your attention is drawn to the sheer number, or level of vehemence, it’s worth wondering what kind of person is spending so much energy on something they dislike.
And definitely keep an eye out when you write your own profile! You don’t want to slip into negativity, especially if that’s not really your personality. Besides, as we’ve established, few people seek out common disinterests, so why waste the precious space? Spend the real estate on something that will be fun to discuss in person, instead!