Contributed by: Jet on Monday, August 08 2011 @ 08:46 am
Last modified on
It’s not uncommon to hear a line spoken in movies that goes something along the lines of: “You don’t get to choose who you love.” Is that accurate, or is it a cliche? Are we really slaves to the heart, or do we make a conscious decision to love someone?
If you were an alien visitor observing the speech of Earthlings, you might think there was no free will in love at all. You might hear about two people who were “meant for each other,” or who tried to “fight destiny” and failed (and usually the failure is a good thing). You might hear that one person was “irresistibly drawn” to someone else, and wonder if they meant that literally.
But on the other hand, you might hear a fair bit about choice, too, at least in Western culture. Someone might worry that their friend is “making a big mistake” in staying with the person of their choice. You might hear someone wonder where they would be if they had made a different decision, or conversely, hear them say that accepting a date was “the best decision I ever made.”
So where does the truth lie? Perhaps somewhere in the middle. For example, you probably have very little control who you’re attracted to or infatuated with - as anyone who’s ever been on a date with someone who was great but just didn’t share that “spark” can attest. Basic attraction comes from some primitive (or maybe highly sophisticated), chemical level. You can’t fake it.
That being said, you certainly do have a level of control over it. For example, if you’re attracted to someone who would be a terrible choice - maybe they’re married, maybe they’re abusive - it might be painful on the level of breaking an addiction, but it’s possible to avoid staying with them. On a less dramatic level, no one’s perfect, and we all weigh their pros and cons somewhere in our minds before deciding that the overall package is acceptable.
Perhaps you don’t get to choose who you become infatuated with, but love is something else, something acquired over time, hours spent together. By the time you’ve reached the point of love, you’ve probably made countless decisions to do so - and hopefully they really are some of the best decisions you’ve made.