Contributed by: Jet on Monday, July 26 2010 @ 08:41 am
Last modified on
In the world of online dating, we throw the word “chemistry” around a lot. You can get along fine on paper, we say, but if there's no chemistry in person, you're sunk. Well, this may be true, but occasionally I run across friends who have a slightly skewed idea of what “chemistry” actually is.
Some expect it to be like the movies; fireworks at first sight. If they don't get weak at the knees when they brush their date's hand, well, it must not be meant to be. I cannot tell you how many couples I've met who are in marriages or long-term relationships where one or both members of the couple doesn't even remember meeting their significant other for the first time. The earth did not move when they locked eyes for the first time, and bells did not ring when they first kissed. And they're perfectly happy today.
One woman I know is dating a man who seems perfect for her – he's kind, they have a lot in common, and there's nothing she can really say about him that is negative. Except, of course, that's she not really sure that they really have chemistry. She's not repulsed by any means, but it's not wild and exciting.
I questioned her a little more, and we've determined that the attraction is not really the problem. For one thing, she's typically dated “bad boys” in the past, so for her, “exciting” has often meant “dangerous,” and this guy is anything but. More importantly, she seems to be a little alarmed by the fact that there's no discernible problem with this guy – so since she can't find anything concrete to complain about, she goes for the nebulous “attraction” quality that isn't arguable.
After our conversation, my friend is feeling more confident in continuing to pursue her current relationship, to give it a fair shot. But she's not the only one who resists a good opportunity and hides behind chemistry, because she's scared or overly cautious. Next time you're on a date and you're lacking the fireworks, ask yourself why. And furthermore, ask yourself if you really need them on the first date.