Contributed by: kellyseal on Thursday, April 11 2013 @ 09:28 am
Last modified on
The scenario: you've been dating your boyfriend for a few months and things are going pretty well. You're really attracted to him and both of you have a lot of fun together. But as you continue to date, the differences between you are becoming more noticeable, and also more frustrating to both of you.
Maybe he's very conservative or religious and you consider yourself a free spirit who likes to shake things up. Does he insist you come to church or temple with him, even though you prefer to spend your weekend mornings hiking? Or perhaps you're very organized and ambitious while he would rather sit on the couch and play his Xbox all weekend. Do you nag him to do something productive, like help you plant a garden or write that screenplay he keeps talking about doing in his spare time? Do you find yourself getting increasingly annoyed and disappointed in your differences?
Everyone has a different approach to life - some like to roll with the tide and don't make a lot of plans, preferring spontaneity to structure. Others are ambitious or driven and spend a lot of time working or doing projects in their spare time to achieve their goals. Some are active and outdoor enthusiasts while others enjoy a five star hotel with a spa.
It's only natural that you and your significant other will run into issues when you don't see eye to eye. But that doesn't mean your relationship is headed for disaster. It simply means that you must communicate what you're feeling and try to come to a compromise that works for both of you.
For example, if you spend most of your weekend working or keeping yourself busy while your boyfriend is playing video games, maybe it's time to stop and reassess how you are spending your time. Life requires some balance. And while you are happier when you're productive, maybe you can spend some time relaxing in front of the television, too. When you take small steps towards compromise then your partner is more willing to take those same steps in your direction.
And if there's no hope for meeting in the middle? Maybe you both can allot time for the other to pursue what is most important. For instance, if your boyfriend is religious and wants to go to services every week, allow him to be more active in the church on his own. Or if you love hiking make plans to go with your friends who love it as well, instead of forcing your boyfriend to go when he'd rather play tennis. It's good to have your own activities and friendships around those activities, separate from your significant other. It helps your relationship to grow.
Just because you aren't compatible in some ways doesn't mean your relationship won't work. Just remember the most important thing you both can do for each other: communicate.