Contributed by: Jet on Wednesday, December 28 2011 @ 10:54 am
Last modified on
They’re the thing we dread most, when we’re on a date or just talking to someone with whom we aren’t incredibly comfortable: awkward pauses. It seems like such a benign thing, really: just a moment of space in a conversation. Still, an awkward pause can make us sweat, and worse, strike insecurity in us, causing a slow downward spiral of conversation quality. Awkward pauses are inevitable, but with some practice, we can minimize them, and handle them effectively when we need to.
First, there’s the issue of practice. Practice might not make perfect, but it can certainly take away the element of surprise. When people turn to online dating, it’s often because they don’t have much opportunity to meet new people - which means they’re probably not talking to strangers on a regular basis. So get your practice where you can find it! It doesn’t matter if it’s the gas station checkout clerk or the person standing next to you in the long holiday shopping line; simply getting comfortable with smiling and saying hello to someone new can be a help when your adrenaline has better things to worry about.
Next, there’s nothing wrong with doing a little homework before you head out on a date. It’s easy to get involved in the general busyness of everyday life and ignore the rest of the world; however, right before a first date, when you’ll be casting about for conversation topics, is not an ideal time. Take a few minutes to scan a news site for the big topics. Try to make a note of ones that are, well, not incredibly depressing. It might be a little soon for the most hot-button issues, too; remember to scope out the entertainment, science and technology sections for something a little more tame.
It’s good to have topics prepared just in case, but remember to really listen to your date. There’s nothing wrong with a little space here and there; it shouldn’t be a goal to fire off as many topics as you can to fill the time. Listen to your date’s answers, and respond accordingly. You might wind up on a topic far away from the ones you had prepared - and really, those are the best kinds of conversations!
Finally, remember that a slower pace, or space between answers, isn’t the enemy of good conversation. Talking over dinner or coffee can make pauses feel more natural, as you sip your drink or take a bite. If anything, a space might mean that your date is actually thinking about the question, which certainly isn’t a bad thing!
Even with preparation, an awkward pause is bound to happen sometime. If it does, perhaps the best defense is to address it head-on - maybe with a joke about getting the awkward moment out of the way. Regardless, when you’re prepared and confident, an awkward pause might not seem like a big deal after all - and you can focus on the conversation, instead of the pauses in it.