Contributed by: kellyseal on Friday, June 07 2013 @ 09:00 am
Last modified on
If you're in your early twenties, chances are you've never been asked out on a real date. If you're wondering what I mean by that, you're probably already well into your thirties.
Many twenty-somethings (and probably a few thirty-somethings) are less inclined to form long-term romantic relationships, and therefore don't pursue dating in a get-to-know-you-over-dinner sense. They are skipping all the small talk over coffee and instead hooking up, preferring no emotional attachment in their busy and fast-paced lives.
But is this practice actually hurting them emotionally and socially?
Dating is hard. I get that. Whether you're sifting through online dating profiles, getting the courage up to approach that guy in front of you in the line at Starbucks, or figuring out whether to text someone an hour or a day after he texts you can all be a bit much. Maybe you think to yourself, why bother at all with pursuing a relationship? I'm perfectly happy getting what I need physically without all the emotional drama.
There's nothing wrong with playing the field, especially when you're young. But while I'd like to say that this practice helps you have healthier, more mature relationships in the future, I'm afraid it just makes it harder. Think about it - if you lack the skills or courage to be honest with someone face to face - to ask her out, or to tell him how you really feel, or fall in love and then get over a break-up, then you will have a hard time connecting with others on an emotional level. And what does this mean for your romantic relationships?
Fear is something that we all need to conquer in our love lives. Wouldn't it be nice if every relationship came with a guarantee - that it would last or that you wouldn't be hurt by it? Sadly, this is not reality. But by conquering those fears - of abandonment, or of being hurt, it's easier to find and accept love in your life, instead of continually pushing it to the sidelines.
While I realize love and relationships aren't always on the agenda while you're in your twenties, it's an excellent time to learn about connecting with others romantically. I'm not talking about commitment, but about learning how to take care of your own emotions. It's about preparing yourself for when you do want a relationship, so you're not starting from the beginning.
So, first things first. Ask someone out on a date. It doesn't have to be involved like a dinner, but a simple coffee or drinks date, where you're sitting in front of each other having a conversation, with no expectations. If you have a good time, make plans to do it again (without the hookup). This doesn't mean you're looking for a relationship with the person. It's about having the courage to try and connect with someone. It's about learning how to date, how to get to know someone, not about hooking up.