Contributed by: kellyseal on Tuesday, January 10 2012 @ 09:37 am
Last modified on
Being single can mean many things. Some singles are looking for a long-term relationship, while others are looking for a rebound after a bad break-up. Still others are looking for exciting ways to spend their time while they are focusing on other priorities, like a career. So it's a mistake to think that everyone you date is on the same page. There is too much gray area.
So what do you do if you're attracted to someone, but are unsure of what they want? Do you keep dating them in the hopes that they will one day proclaim their love, or do you tread carefully and hope they don't want anything too serious right now?
The answer is - stop trying to figure out what your date wants out of a relationship. Figure out what you want. It's crucial to understand where exactly you are in terms of the level of commitment you want in a relationship, so don't kid yourself about it. You could be sending out your own mixed signals.
If you think you want a long-term relationship and eventually even marriage, but you're scared of giving up your personal freedom and career goals, you may be hesitant to fully commit to anyone. Instead of keeping yourself at a distance by maintaining your independent lifestyle and working long hours, be honest with yourself and see if you are willing to fit a relationship into the picture. I'm not saying to sacrifice independence or career success, but with relationships come compromise. Be sure you're willing to make some before you start down that path. And be sure you're willing to state your needs to your partner so he isn't left wondering - which means really knowing what you want.
Another scenario: If you jump from relationship to relationship in the hopes that the right partner won't act so "needy," you might also be putting up stumbling blocks that you're not aware of. If you keep falling for people who expect more from you than you're willing to give, ask yourself why. Are you giving too much too soon in your relationships, and later becoming resentful? Are you compromising your needs for their happiness? Are you looking for someone who needs you or looks up to you rather than someone who is equally independent? If you feel trapped or that too many expectations have been placed on you, take a step back. See what you can change in your behavior. Are you communicating your needs? Are you being true to yourself, or living up to someone else's expectations? Do you really want a long-term relationship at all?
There's a balance that comes with relationships. It's essential to know what you want and also that you're willing to compromise before entering into anything serious. It's also essential to communicate so you and your date are on the same page - and it's okay to take things one step at a time.