Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Sunday, February 26 2012 @ 08:48 am
Last modified on
Over the last few months I've slowly been working my way through the three seasons of "Lie To Me" (thank you, Netflix!). The show is based on the work of Paul Ekman, a psychologist who studies the relationship between emotions and facial expressions, especially as they relate to deception and the detection of deception. One character in the show has caught my eye because, in a world of experts hired by clients to uncover deception, he adheres to the principles of Radical Honesty.
Radical Honesty was developed by Dr. Brad Blanton, who claims that lying is the primary source of human stress and that people would become happier if they were more honest, even about difficult subjects. Watching the show, and seeing the dynamic between a character who follows Radical Honesty and characters who believe that all humans lie for the sake of their survival, got me thinking...
Is lying a necessary part of human behavior? Is Radical Honesty a better approach? And how does that relate to romantic relationships? Should full disclosure be required between partners? Which creates more stable relationships in the long term?
A recent post on PsychologyToday.com[*1] shed a little bit of light on the issue. "Disclosure without taking responsibility is nothing at all," states the article. When it comes to relationships and disclosure, the big question on everyone's mind is "If you've cheated on your partner, and he or she does not suspect anything, are you obligated (and is it wise) to disclose?"
Frances Cohen Praver, Ph.D, suggests that the right course of action is to examine your motives for disclosure first. Lying doesn't encourage intimacy, but disclosing for selfish reasons, like alleviating yourself of guilt, may benefit you while harming your partner. Before sharing personal details or revealing missteps, consider why you feel the need to disclose in the first place. Ask yourself:
I have always favored honesty in my personal life, but I have seen situations in which full disclosure might not have been the best option. The goal, in any relationship, should be to create intimacy through honesty without hurting a partner or disclosing for selfish reasons. Like so many things in life, the right course of action seems to be a balancing act.
To disclose or not to disclose, that is the question.