Imagine you're a recent college graduate. You're excited, nervous, naïve, courageous. The whole world is in front of you, waiting to be explored.
Then reality sets in. Leaving college means finding a job, owing rent, dealing with health insurance, and paying off student loans. Before long, you're daydreaming about the blissful days before the cap and gown.
Sound familiar? Online dating can be a similar experience. You sign up with all the excitement and naivete of that new college grad, but over time you become disillusioned. Messages go unanswered. Mutual matches aren't made. Dates are postponed and canceled. What good is online dating if you aren't actually going on dates?
There may be very real reasons you're not getting the dates you hoped for – some obvious, others more obscure. Before you give up on it for good, take a look at these 5 reasons online dating might not be working for you.
- You're not ready for it. If your last relationship is still fresh in your mind, it may be too soon to jump into online dating. It's unhealthy to start something new before you've healed from the old, despite what they say about getting back on the horse. Take time off to focus on yourself and feel solid in your singlehood, then try online dating again.
- You're just going through the motions. Maybe everyone you know is on Tinder, so you decided to get Tinder. Or maybe all your closest friends are in serious relationships, so you feel pressured to settle down. Neither of those is a good reason to join an online dating service. If you're doing it because you think you have to, not because you want to, dates can tell that your heart isn't in it. Instant attraction killer.
- You're not trying hard enough. No one wants to look desperate, but putting in zero effort is not the answer. Think Goldilocks – not too much, not too little, just right. An empty profile is a turn-off. One blurry bathroom selfie doesn't cut it. And if your idea of a smooth opening line is “hey,” you're in for a rude awakening.
- You're unapproachable. Your dating profile should be inviting, not alarming. If you're writing a laundry list of things you don't like, don't want, and won't stand for, prospective dates will be scared away. Instead of focusing on the negatives, write about what you do like and are looking for. Just be careful that you don't veer into totally unrealistic territory, or you'll make yourself unapproachable in a different way.
- You're hiding your real self. You want to craft the perfect profile, but it's pointless if your idea of “perfect” doesn't match who you really are. Let your real self shine through, even the bits you think are geeky or weird. The right partner will be more attracted to that profile than the sanitized version you thought you should write.