Contributed by: ElyseRomano on Saturday, October 22 2016 @ 04:50 pm
Last modified on
Love doesn’t come with a textbook. There are no rubrics or cheat sheets. And it definitely doesn’t look like what you see in the movies.
Modern dating is complex and constantly evolving. Relationships are not easy to build and maintain, but they never were. Love comes in many guises - some readily recognizable, some not.
Forget what you know from Twilight. Unrealistic expectations can kill a relationship before it even starts. The reality? It isn’t always pretty, but it’s all we’ve got. These 4 life lessons may not be easy to learn, but they’re essential to lasting love.
#1 Friendship isn’t just important - it might be the most important thing.
Everyone hopes to experience the magical rush of Cupid’s arrow striking. We’re taught to believe that love at first sight is the ultimate emotion (or, at least, that instant attraction is a necessary precursor for a good relationship). There’s no denying it’s a powerful feeling, but at the end of the day, it’s not the feeling that keeps a relationship together.
Every good partnership is grounded in strong friendship. Looks fade. Interests change. Financial situations fluctuate. Possessions come and go. The only thing that remains constant is deep love and deep respect. Choose someone who supports you, who lifts your spirits, and who always knows what to say at the end of the day - whether it was a happy one or a hard one.
#2 It’s not enough to love an idea.
There’s a fine line to walk. You want to see the positives in your partners, to believe they can be the very best version of themselves, and that’s a good thing. But it becomes a problem when you love the idea of who that person could be more than the person they are today. Maybe they’ll become that person, maybe they won’t. It’s not enough to love who a person is on paper.
#3 It’s ok to move at your own pace.
At some point, you’ll worry you aren’t dating at the right speed. You’ve waited too long, and all the good ones will be taken by the time you’re ready to settle down. Or you married too quickly, and missed out on all the fun single 20-somethings have (not to mention the potential for meeting partners who were even better). Either option could be bad, but they could equally be exactly right for you. Don’t let anyone else dictate the pace of your relationships. There’s no right speed, only the speed that’s right for you.
#4 You have to know when to let go.
Most loves won’t last forever. In fact, every single love - except one, if you’re lucky - will end at some point. Even that one will end eventually, hopefully in a heart-warming, guaranteed-to-make-it-on-HuffPo story about lifelong partners dying within minutes of each other. Inevitability doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. The end of love can be agonizing. It’s ok to feel that pain. What’s worse is refusing to acknowledge it, or letting it prevent you from falling in love in the future. Remember: sometimes parting ways can be the strongest expression of love there is.