Contributed by: Anonymous on Thursday, June 08 2006 @ 08:13 pm
Last modified on
Let's get one thing straight. In this article, we're not talking about leaving the toilet seat up, a different taste in music, or a homebody versus a party animal. No, this article is about serious issues. We're talking drug addiction, alcohol problems, and depression. These are serious issues that can sidetrack even the strongest relationship.
If you're in a loving relationship but know that your partner is dealing with a serious disease or issue, then this is the article for you. Here are the top ten things you can do to support your partner in getting better and battling their problems.
1. Don't Take it Personally. Your partner is going to say some seriously hurtful things. They might tell you they don't love you, they might say to leave them alone. It's easy to take these insults personally, but that would be a mistake. Keep in mind that diseases and serious issues can often fuel people saying things they don't mean.
2. Get the Issue on the Table. Running and hiding from a serious issue often feels like the best move. Nobody wants to roll their sleeves up and face a tremendous challenge. But deep down you know that if you don't face this problem your relationship will only suffer more. So find the courage and deal with the situation.
3. Talk to Family and Friends. No, we're not talking about announcing this problem to the world. But if your partner has a close friend or family member you can rely on, open up to them. Maybe the two of you can convince your partner that there's a real problem here.
4. Seek Medical Help. We all want to believe we can save another human being. But drug addictions and depression are serious business. Often they are beyond resolution by an untrained professional. So consider counseling with someone who has deep experience in the issue you face.
5. Make a Game Plan. If you can get your partner to face the facts, maybe you can make a plan together. Take ownership for the plan jointly, don't sit back and judge them as they try to improve. What they need most right now is someone on their team, not a team of Olympic judges monitoring their every move.
6. Consider Available Medications. In some cases there are drugs in the market that can dramatically improve a situation, particularly for depression and social anxiety disorder. Be sure to consult a physician first, as these drugs may have some serious side effects.
7. Avoid Ultimatums. Anyone facing a real issue or disease will not be able to handle any extra pressure. Threatening to leave if they don't get better may backfire by further spiraling their behavior downhill.
8. Work on Something Yourself. Okay, you may not be dealing with a serious issue. But maybe you want to drop a few pounds, quit smoking, or repair a broken relationship with your mother. Offer to work on your issues together. Grow and improve as a team.
9. Set Milestones. If you can set a game plan, there needs to be check-in points and milestones along the way. Otherwise, what are you shooting for in the first place? Set timetables on improvement and check-in along the way to chart progress.
10. Be Realistic. Despite your best efforts, some people never kick a destructive habit, never get better, and never beat their illness. If they fail in the end, don't blame yourself for the rest of your life. Know in your heart that you did everything you could to improve the situation.