When you’re dating, it’s easy to feel nervous when you meet someone for the first time, especially if you find yourself attracted to him.  You want him to see you in the best light possible: as a confident, attractive and irresistible woman. 

Here are some steps to overcoming your insecurities and putting yourself out there to attract the right man to you:

• Get out of your head.  The problem is, when you spend your time and energy deciding what to say next, trying to look cool, or wondering what he’s thinking about you, it’s not only exhausting but unproductive.  You’re not really connecting with him because you’re not in the moment paying attention to what is happening between you.  You are too worried about how you appear to him, or if he’ll ask you out again. A guy will sense if you’re trying too hard or if you’re not being yourself.  This can be a turn-off for most.

• Be present.  Instead of focusing on how you come across, be present on the date.  Take it moment by moment instead of thinking ahead as to whether there will be a next date, or what he’ll be like in bed, etc. 

• Let down your guard.  When you allow yourself to be a little more honest and vulnerable, you are better able to connect with a man.  He will be more willing to let down his guard as well.  Nobody wants to date the “perfect” person; they want to date someone who is real.  If he doesn’t respond well to the “real” you, then he’s not the right man for you anyway.

• Let go of your need to control the situation.  Life is about risk-taking, and so is love.  You can’t connect with someone if you’re too busy trying to create an impression or deciding where the relationship will go.  Let it unfold one encounter at a time.  This way, you’ll enjoy it more, too. 

It’s 2010, and many of us are trying to be more conscious of our carbon footprints by incorporating more environmentally friendly practices in our lives.  If you recycle at home, or drive a hybrid car, or do any one of a number of earth-saving measures, why not extend these to your dating life? 

Summer is a great time to take advantage of the beautiful weather and try out some green dating ideas:

• Plan a hike, bike ride, or beach walk.  The plants are in bloom and it’s not too hot or cold during the day to explore one of your local parks on a hike, or stroll along the boardwalk.  If you are an urban dweller, plan a walk along a bustling city street that’s filled with art galleries and restaurants, so you can wander in and out.  If you prefer to be on bike, plan a good route that the two of you can ride, followed by a picnic lunch of organic cheese and grapes.

• Have an eco-friendly dinner.  More restaurants are offering locally-grown foods on the menu and organic wines.  Now is the perfect time to do some research and try one out.

• Visit your local farmer’s market.  If you enjoy cooking, stock up on veggies and fruits from the farmer’s market and prepare a romantic meal at home.  This is more memorable than dinner at an expensive restaurant, and helps local farmers.  Use soy candles for atmosphere, since they burn cleaner than regular candles.

• Flea markets are back!  Usually once a month, cities host a flea market where local artisans sell clothing, art, and much more.  This not only supports your local community, but you are helping the environment by not buying mass-produced products.  Grab your date and wander around for a while.  You’re bound to see something different.

• Looking for a little getaway?  Eco-resorts are becoming very popular travel destinations.  If you don’t have the money to travel, try visiting your local botanical garden or marine preserve.  These places are rich with environmentally friendly ideas, and fun places to just hang out.

"Never before has the dating world been so handy for married men and women looking for a fling,” warns Beatriz Avila Mileham, the online infidelity expert we consulted in the precursor to this article, “How To Avoid Married Matches Online.” Sites like DiscreetAdventures.com and the infamous AshleyMadison.com have made extramarital affairs mainstream, but what do you do when a married man or woman is seeking out illicit extracurricular activity on a site that doesn’t cater to it?

Here are a few more questions to ask yourself to determine if your potential sweetie is a keeper or a cheater:

• Do you know his or her last name? Protecting your privacy on the Internet is important, but if you’ve been chatting with someone for a while and have formed a bond that feels safe and genuine, exchanging full names is a logical step forward. If your match is unwilling to give you their name, particularly if you’re already communicating via the phone and especially if you’re considering meeting up in person, it might be a sign that they’re hiding a second life and don’t want you looking them up in the phonebook, finding them on Facebook, or searching their name on Google. Also be wary if you discover that someone has given you an alias online.

• Are you allowed to call him or her? Does your partner have a strict “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” policy? If so, your match might be married. A married person must schedule phone conversations around their married life, and cannot risk you calling at an inconvenient moment. Also consider where your date is calling you from (Is it ever a home number?), when your date calls (Is it always on their lunch break?), and whether their communication is consistent or unreliable.

• If you are allowed to call your date, does he or she ever pick up the phone? If you are constantly sent to voicemail, proceed with caution. Again, a married person can only conduct phone calls at specific convenient times, meaning that you will have to leave a message if you do not call during one of those ideal moments. Other signs that your match is being unfaithful to a spouse are: A) You frequently have to wait a long time before he or she is able to return your calls, and B) He or she is constantly full of excuses about being busy, forgetting to bring his or her mobile phone, or being in areas with poor reception.

• Is he or she extremely secretive even after going on multiple offline dates? In the early stages of a relationship, particularly one that begins online, it is expected that the parties involved will be hesitant to reveal certain important personal details about themselves. But if the relationship has lasted for a while and the connection is strong, and particularly if you have already shared a lot about yourself, it is reasonable to expect your partner to open up to you in return. Watch for warning signs like: your date is unwilling to discuss their past, avoids talking about their family and friends (or refuses to let you meet them), does not share information about where they live or work, and never invites you to their home.

Ultimately, the best way to avoid being the target of married affair-seekers is simple: use your intuition, and extricate yourself from any situation that makes you uncomfortable or suspicious.

Online dating, practical and effective though it is, can be a mixed bag at times. On most occasions, it’s a great way for singles who are tired of, or unable to participate in, the traditional dating scene to meet, but in some instances, it can also be a convenient tool for dishonest married individuals to find additional partners. In fact, some research has shown that a third of people using online dating sites are married!

Beatriz Avila Mileham, a researcher who studied online infidelity at the University of Florida, offers the following reason for the troubling trend: "With cybersex, there is no longer any need for secret trips to obscure motels. An online dating liaison may even take place in the same room with one's spouse." To put it simply: men and women cheat online because it’s easy.

So how do you avoid matches who are looking for extramarital flings when you’re looking for a stable, long term relationship? Here are a few questions to ask that will help you identify cheating con men and women online:

• What do his or her pictures look like? If their pictures are so grainy or blurry that it’s nearly impossible to make out any features of the subject, or if there aren’t any pictures at all, consider moving on to greener, and more well photographed, pastures. Married people are frequently reluctant to post their photos online, for the obvious reason that they might be recognized by someone who knows them or their spouse.

• How consistently is he or she in contact with you? Married people have to devote time to their jobs, spouses, and potentially their children, which doesn’t leave them a lot of free time to spend on online dating sites. If responses to your messages come on an extremely irregular basis, there’s a chance that your match is leading a double life and must communicate with you in an erratic fashion in order to maintain secrecy.

• When you’re ready to take things to the next level, will he or she exchange phone numbers with you? And what number is it? Married people will typically take your phone number, but are unwilling to share their phone number with you in return. If they do offer a number at which you can reach them, it is most likely a mobile phone number, as calling a workplace or their place of residence would be extremely risky. In most cases, you can rest assured that your match isn’t married if A) They give you their contact info without any hesitation, and B) They give you their home phone number.

Most online dating users are likely to run into a philandering affair-seeker at some point during their online dating careers, so continue on to “How To Avoid Married Matches Online: Part II” for more tips on how to steer clear of these trouble-causing tricksters.

Online relationships, like all relationships, follow a natural cycle. A couple meets, starts to get to know each other, and if the connection is strong they begin dating and the relationship enters a blissful, problem-free “honeymoon period.” But unfortunately, in most cases, the idyllic phase doesn’t last, problems arise, and the couple finds itself faced with the dreaded final stage in the relationship cycle: the break up.

Many find it difficult to identify the signs that a relationship has run its course and needs to come to an end, while others are able to recognize the signs but choose to stay in spite of being unhappy, uncomfortable, or unsatisfied because they have difficulty coming to terms with the dissolution of their relationship and their impending singlehood. Taking the latter path is always unhealthy, and can potentially be dangerous when your relationship is conducted online. Be aware of the following five online romance red flags, and end your relationship immediately if you begin to experience any of them:

1. Lies & Discrepancies. Any relationship based on deception is doomed to failure, but dishonest online relationships have the potential to be twice as harmful due to the number of scammers and other criminals that search for victims on online dating sites. If you notice inconsistencies in the things your online partner says and does, or catch them being untruthful, it’s in your best interest to play it safe and protect yourself by ending the relationship.

2. Excessive Anger. It’s normal for partners in a relationship to vent their frustrations to each other, but taking this to an extreme is a sign of emotional and behavioral problems. If your cyber date is irrationally angry most of the time, particularly if their anger is directed at you, dissolve the relationship.

3. Any Feelings of Fear or Discomfort. If at any time you feel frightened, threatened, uncomfortable, or concerned about your safety, your online relationship must end immediately. There is a very good reason evolution has equipped humans with an effective fear response, so trust your gut instincts!

4. Controlling Behavior. Beware of online companions who place unreasonable demands on your time, attempt to control your activities and emotions, and try to dictate things like where you can go and who you are allowed to speak with. Abusive relationships online are just as dangerous and damaging as abusive relationships offline.

5. Stalking. Partners in an online romance, as well as those in traditional relationships, must never overstep the boundaries or exceed the personal comfort levels set forth by the participants. Tracking your actions online – or spying on you in person – is a clear signal that something is seriously wrong. The issue must be addressed as soon as possible to avoid ending up in an increasingly dangerous situation.

No one enjoys going through a break up, but remember that sometimes there is more than a broken heart at stake. Protect yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically by ending any online relationship immediately when these red flags appear.

On July 16, 2010, in Westchester County, New York, a man named Solomon Jesus Nasser pleaded guilty to a charge of third-degree grand larceny, after stealing nearly $200,000 over a course of three years.

His victims were women he’d met through online dating services. Nasser won the trust and admiration of his targets by claiming to be an advisor to President George W. Bush, a high-ranking official in the Department of Defense, and a Navy admiral, among other things. He would then mention that he was having financial difficulties as a result of legal issues, and subsequently would ask for loans to cover his living expenses.

Now that his online dating scam has been exposed, Nasser has been ordered to pay restitution, and faces up to seven years in prison.

It’s a tragic story, but there have been many others just like it. The Internet is a wonderful tool for finding love, but falling in love means letting your guard down, and letting your guard down online can sometimes mean disaster. Most online dating sites do not perform background checks or other verification procedures on new members, and the sites that do claim to take precautions such as these are frequently not able to perform the services effectively. It’s up to you, then, to protect yourself against online criminals.

Beware of the following four widespread scams when looking for love online:

1. Phone calls that will cost you a fortune. Dial with caution. Calling certain phone numbers will cause charges of hundreds of dollars to appear on your next phone bill. Only contact numbers with area codes you recognize or – better yet – use a VOIP client like Skype so that your personal phone number remains private and require interested members to contact you.

2. Fake profiles. Steer clear of profiles with sexually explicit usernames, profile pictures, and written content. They are almost always sex workers looking for paying clients, not people looking for dinner-and-a-movie dates with potential love matches.

3. Lies about long-distance love. One of the major advantages of online dating is that it allows you to connect with individuals all over the world, but the Internet’s global reach can also make it a dangerous place to meet people. Scammers in foreign countries often build rapport with victims and then ask for money for airfare so that they can meet their “dates” in person. Never offer to pay for someone’s travel expenses – odds are, you will stop hearing from them as soon as the money is transferred.

4. The Nigerian scam. Also known as the 419 fraud, this is a classic Web-based con that can be found almost everywhere online. In comes in many guises, but typical manifestations of the scam involve a person posing as a government or bank employee (or someone related to such a person) and making requests like:

• Asking to transfer a large sum of money into your bank account.

• Offering to pay you to cash checks and send them the money.

• Appealing to you to help a dying person give his money to charity.

Do not ever send money to or accept money from someone on an online dating site, no matter how safe it seems.

You can’t always protect a vulnerable heart from being broken, but you can protect a vulnerable bank account from being the victim of an online scam.

I can’t pick on the ladies without pointing out some of the mistakes men make while dating.  Guys…if you’ve found yourself attracted to a woman only to have the relationship fizzle after the first or second date, there may be something you’re overlooking.  Instead of getting stuck in an endless cycle of first dates, it’s time to make some positive changes to improve your dating life. 

Following are some mistakes to consider and avoid: 

Are you cheap?  Most girls don’t expect you to wine and dine them at expensive restaurants on the first date unless they are high-maintenance or looking for rich guys.  However, men do score points for being chivalrous as well as generous.  Don’t examine the bill to split it down to the penny, or leave too small a tip.  Offer to pick up the tab without wincing, especially on a first date.  If things go well, you’ll have plenty of chances for her to reciprocate.

Do you act nervous or insecure?  This is a first date after all!  There’s nothing to lose, so try to relax and be yourself.  Women are attracted to confident men, and we are most confident when we’re comfortable.  If you’re feeling unsure, take her to a place you go often, so that you can feel relaxed in the setting.

Do you come across as arrogant?  If you start listing off all of your business successes, houses, and exotic vacations in the first fifteen minutes of the date hoping to impress her, it will backfire.  Women don’t like to hear a list of reasons why they should date you; they like to feel a connection.  Instead of listing all your assets to win her heart, engage her in conversation.  Ask her about herself and what she loves to do, and let the conversation flow. 

Are you bringing your baggage to the date?  Don’t start the date with stories about your crazy ex, or bad dating experiences in general.  If you're still bitter or hung up on an ex, she will pick up on it.  Plus, who wants to hear about an ex on the first date?  Remember, you are meeting her for the first time, so leave your own hang-ups at the door to give a new relationship a chance to begin.

Do you consider yourself unlucky in love?  If you have had a few dating disasters, or can’t seem to get past the first date and into a relationship, maybe it’s time to self-reflect.  We could all use a little improvement and awareness when it comes to dating.  After all, we want to attract the right man to us, right?

If you find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of first dates, consider the following:

Do you come on too strong?  Women today are independent, strong, and successful.  These are all wonderful qualities, but if you feel secure in yourself, you don’t try to prove you are all of these things to the men you date.  Instead of taking charge like you do at work, learn to listen and engage him as well.  How else will you know if he’s a good match?  He isn’t a client, he’s your date. 

Are you too needy?  If you’ve had a great date and he hasn’t asked you out again, don’t call or text him several times hoping to get a response.  If he is interested, he will call.  If you find yourself falling for guys too quickly before you really know them, take a step back and keep your options open.  Remember, you’re entitled to date several guys at once until you decide to become exclusive with someone. 

Are you too critical?  Sometimes women can be critical or judgmental, especially when it comes to their dates.  Before you dismiss a guy because he doesn’t meet everything on your checklist, recognize that you probably don’t meet everything on his checklist either.  Try getting to know him before you judge him.  

Do you have a bad attitude?  Ok, so you’ve been hurt before.  This is no excuse to write all men off as losers or deadbeats.  There are plenty of nice guys who are ready and open for a relationship.  These guys won’t be interested in someone who prefers to concentrate on past wrongdoings.  Leave your baggage at the door and come in with an open mind.

It’s summer which means there are plenty of barbeques and parties happening.  Now is the time to take advantage of these social gatherings and start meeting new people!  

But how do you approach someone who catches your eye at a party?  Should you offer cheesy one-liners to introduce yourself, or is there a better approach?  Here are some tips: 

• Make yourself approachable.  Don’t stand in the corner and look around, waiting for someone to talk to you.  Smile and circulate.  Introduce yourself first.  There’s nothing sexier than confidence and putting others at ease to talk to you.

• Take interest in other party-goers.  Ask questions and listen to what they tell you.  Nothing attracts people more than an attentive listener and someone who treats others with respect and interest.

• Don’t look around the room when you’re talking with someone.  There’s nothing more insulting than having a conversation with someone who isn’t really engaged with you.  If you keep looking to see who else is at the party, you won’t connect.  Focus on the person you’re talking to, and when you’re ready to leave and move on to someone else, politely excuse yourself.

• Don’t hang around the same person all night.  Sure, you’ve found someone really attractive, but making yourself too available is a turn-off.  Excuse yourself and circulate, and meet up with that person later.  Alternatively, if you only talk with one or two people who you know at the party, you’re preventing yourself from meeting new and interesting people.  Don’t cut yourself off when there is opportunity, even if you’re shy.  Be bold and circulate. 

• Bring a social wingman/woman, or go solo.  Don’t bring your wallflower friend to a party or you may end up babysitting.  Instead, call on your socially-savvy friends who have no problem approaching new people, and have them introduce you.  Alternatively, go solo.  There’s nothing that screams confidence like someone who comes to a party alone and engages with new people.  Plus, other singles will know you are single too.

Do your friends ever wonder why you don’t make it past the first or second date stage? It’s entirely possible that you’re being your own worst enemy. Self-sabotage comes where we least expect it and sometimes it’s our own doing! Here are seven tips to keep you on the road to dating success instead of sabotage:

1: Leave your day’s frustrations at the door

If you’re hung up on an argument with a coworker or the fact it took you 30 minutes to find your keys, you’re bringing a bad attitude into your date. Take a deep breath and let it go before go time!

2: “Interviewing” too soon

If you’re intent on drilling down into someone’s “five year plan” on date one or two, dates start to feel like job interviews. It’s a key reason someone might not call you back.

3: Seeing “single” as a problem

If you look at the fact that you haven’t found Mr. or Mrs. Right as a problem, you might start shifting your personality around. When you do that, you’re creating someone else and attracting the wrong type of person!

4: Forgetting to build your friendships

All too often, we get so wrapped-up in finding a mate that we forget our friends. Whether old or new, friends are there whether we’re single or not and we need to focus on those relationships, too.

5: Going out in gangs

If you move out on the town for a night of fun, keep the groups small. Three is a great number, as people tend to not want to approach men and women hanging out in large groups. Keep yourself accessible!

6: Trying to impress others

If you focus more on what you think people want to hear instead of who you are, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Nobody wants to date a Yes Man or Woman. Be yourself and say what you think and you won’t have to worry about walking on eggshells when you find The One.

7: Getting overwhelmed with advice

Do you run out and ask 15 of your friends what you should do about this guy or that girl? Sure, we all need a little advice every now and then, but keep the questions for one or two select friends instead of everyone at the local coffee shop. It helps you focus on what’s best for you instead of what other people might think is best!