You wanted more, you asked, and here it is: part two of my Quick and Dirty Guide to Online Dating Clichés. Read on for further examples of tired truisms and lackluster lines that must be avoided in your profile.

• “Hi, I’m Dan, I’m 45 years old, and I’m a lawyer in Kansas.” With an opening line like that, you might as well be in a chatroom in the ‘90s asking “A/S/L?” That sentence not going to catch anyone’s attention, and all it offers is information that can be found elsewhere in your profile.
• "I might be shy at first, but I'm super friendly once you get to know me!" It seems like half of the profiles I encounter think it’s a good idea to include this line or a variation on it. It might have been charming, humble, and self-effacing at the advent of the Internet, but it’s been used so often now that it’s lost its meaning.
• “I’m smart, funny, spontaneous, open-minded, active, down-to-earth, quirky, [insert other random adjective of your choice here]….” The endless list of indiscriminate adjectives is a total rookie mistake. You very well may be all of those things, but it’s boring to read them in a way that feels like you’re taking inventory of someone’s personality (“Smart? Check. Funny? Check. Spontaneous? Check that one off the list too!”). Instead of telling other members about your interesting qualities, demonstrate them through stories and photos.
• Anything along the lines of "I work hard and play hard," "Looking for a partner in crime," and "Searching for Prince Charming" is to be avoided. It’s just plain overdone.
• "I know how to treat a woman/man." Thousands of other people online are claiming the same thing, so instead of simply stating it as a fact, prove it. Tell your readers exactly how you take care of your partners, and show them why you’re a cut above the rest.
• “I’m just as comfortable in X as I am in Y [when X = stilettos or high-end lounges, and Y = fuzzy slippers or dive bars].” You probably think that this line illustrates your versatility, but all it really does is reveal your lack of creativity. I’m only slightly exaggerating when I say that everyone uses this formula to convey that they are flexible and low-maintenance. 
• “My friends and family are extremely important to me.” Really? How original. I’ve never met anyone like that before.
• "Sometimes I like to go out, and sometimes I like to stay in." See snarky retort above for appropriate response.
• And last but not least: "I give great backrubs."  This, at least in the opinion of a self-proclaimed massage addict, is one of the most disappointing clichés on the Internet. Everyone on a dating site seems to think they have the most talented hands online, and it’s getting old. Unless you’re actually a professional massage therapist, find another skill to boast about.

That brings the second installment of “A Quick and Dirty Guide to Online Dating Clichés” to a close. Before clicking “Post,” check your profile over thoroughly to make sure it doesn’t commit any of these egregious crimes against online profile writing.

“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this!”

“I like long walks on the beach and holding hands.”

“I’m the funniest person you’ll ever meet!”

“I don’t really know what to say about myself.”

At some point while describing yourself in your profile, you might be tempted to include online dating clichés like these. My advice, should you find yourself in this grave situation, is simple: don’t do it. Resist the urge with all your might. Walk away from the computer and have a stiff drink to calm your nerves, if that’s what it takes to withstand the siren song of the cliché.

There are so many problems with using these clichés that I could probably write an entire novel on the subject, but to save you from wasting time on that tome – time you should be using to craft a good, platitude-free profile – I’ve compiled this, my Quick and Dirty Guide to Online Dating Clichés.

Let’s start with the four I’ve already mentioned:

• Writing things like “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this!” or “My friends forced me to join this site” sends the not-so-flattering message that you think online dating is for losers and weirdoes. Do you really want your future dates to think that’s your opinion of them?
• “I like long walks on the beach and holding hands.” Yawn. I bet you like candlelit dinners, having fun, and hanging out with your friends, too. Stereotypical romance will not win over online admirers, nor will mentioning that you enjoy activities that everyone enjoys.
• “I’m the funniest person you’ll ever meet!” Or smartest. Or craziest. Or whatever. If you’re going to make a claim that big, you’d better be able to back it up. Or better yet, just don’t do it in the first place. At least 10 of the other profiles your potential date just viewed claimed the same thing.
• You might think that “I don’t really know what to say about myself” or “I’m not very good at writing this kind of thing” shows off your modesty, but all it’s really doing is showing off your insecurity.

Are you starting to get the picture? Here are a few more of the Internet’s most popular dating clichés:

• “If you want to hear more, just ask!” They won’t, trust me.
• “I LOVE life.” As opposed to…what, exactly?
• “I have a great sense of humor” or “I’m looking for someone who can make me laugh.” Humor is an admirable quality, but it’s painfully overused in online dating profiles. Instead of declaring that you’re funny, write a funny profile. Instead of writing that you’re looking for someone with a good sense of humor, write about what kind of humor makes you laugh so hard you can’t breathe.
• Steer clear of “There isn’t enough room here to sum up my life!” An essay of Homeric proportions almost always follows. It’s not cute.

Want to hear more? Just ask!

“Opposites attract.”

You’ve all heard that saying countless times, and you’ve probably experienced something like it at some point in your life, but does it hold up when it comes to online dating?

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but more often than not potential dates are attracted to the things you have in common, not the things you don’t. The anonymity and potential safety concerns associated with the Internet can make meeting people online a nerve-wracking experience, so in order for someone to be comfortable meeting you or sharing personal information, you must build enough rapport with them that they feel they know you well and that you are trustworthy.

The best way to build this connection is – you guessed it! – discussing your similarities, and identifying strongly with the people with whom you would like to get more involved.

Take a moment to think about your ideal date. What qualities do you find attractive? What kind of person are you most interested in meeting online? What would grab the attention of that kind of person?

Over time, you’ll find that a lot of the men and women you encounter online fall into recognizable personality categories, with identifiable traits and relatively predictable behavior. Some of the most common online dating personalities are:

The Introvert: An introvert usually begins his or her profile with something like “I’m not really sure what to write about” or “I don’t know what to say about myself.” This personality type is typically shy, and might have low self-esteem. When reaching out to this kind of person, it’s important that you take your time and build rapport slowly. Developing a strong connection and sense of trust is more important with Introverts than with anyone else.

The Adventurer: The adventurer loves life and intends to live it to the fullest. They like being active, are not afraid of taking risks, and believe that everything should be tried once. Adventurers are usually easy to spot – just look at the photos they’ve uploaded and the outrageous stories they tell in their profiles. To attract this personality, show that you are just like them by exhibiting your adventurous side.

The “I’m-Totally-Over-It”: This personality type is tired of playing games and sick of the traditional dating scene. They’re ready to find a deep connection and a serious relationship. If this is the kind of person you’re looking for, win them over by empathizing with them. Make sure they understand that you’re both at the same stage in your lives, and that you share common relationship goals. 

The “I’m-Comfortable-Being-Me”: A person like this is confident and secure. They’re equally as happy dressing up and spending the night on the town as they are lounging around the house in their pajamas. They’re proud of who they are and don’t care what anyone else thinks of them. The key to winning this type over is using your wit and showing your quirky side. They love humor and individuality, and want to surround themselves with others who don’t care what people think of them.

As soon as you’ve identified the kind of personalities you’re most interested in, you can start targeting your messages and tailoring your profile to attract the people that will be the best matches for you.

The limitless access the Internet offers to a worldwide community makes online dating one of the most convenient, affordable, and effective ways to meet your match, but the anonymity of the Web also makes it a breeding ground for dishonesty.

It’s surprisingly easy for even the most genuine person, when filling out an online dating profile, to allow him- or herself to be tempted by the lack of face-to-face contact to stray from the truth in order to increase success with other members.

Do your part to make the Internet a safer, more trustworthy place by avoiding the following common online dating lies:

• Age: Lying about your age is a practice as old as dating itself, but that doesn’t make it any less objectionable. You might assume that this is primarily a female vice, but studies have shown that both sexes are guilty of trying to appear younger than they really are. Lying about your age does not send the attractive message “I am mature and confident” – it sends the off-putting message “I’m completely uncomfortable with who I am and where I am in my life.”

• Appearance: There are countless horror stories of people who meet online dates in person for the first time only to discover that they look nothing like the photos or physical description in their profile. Never upload pictures that are not actually you, photos that are so old that they do not accurately represent you anymore, or pictures that have been retouched or otherwise manipulated. You might be able to get away with it for a little while, but your lie will be exposed as soon as you take your relationship offline.

• Income and Occupation: This crime against online dating honesty is mostly committed by men who wish to appear wealthier. While it’s true that women are biologically programmed to be attracted to attributes that indicate that a man is successful, high on the social ladder, and able to provide for a partner and family, it’s not fair to exaggerate the truth. Your actual financial status will be revealed as soon as your dates have an opportunity to observe things like the way you dress, the events you attend, the car you drive, and the acquaintances you surround yourself with.

• Your Current Relationship Status and Desired Relationship: It is unethical to tell a potential date that you are not seeing anyone when you really are, unless you are in a consensually non-monogamous relationship with a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. You should also never lie about the kind of relationship you’re interested in getting into. For instance, don’t advertise that you’re hoping to find a long-term relationship when you’re really only looking for casual hookups.

Trust is an essential feature of a good relationship. A relationship that begins with apologies for misrepresenting yourself and attempts to convince your date that you are not a generally deceitful person is already a failure, no matter how good of a catch you might actually be.

When your online dating profile is written and an attention-grabbing profile picture is firmly in place, you’re ready to start mixing and mingling with the site’s other users.

An effective first message achieves three objectives:

1. It is opened.
2. It is read.
3. It is responded to.

Pretty simple, right?

Let’s look at each point in more detail.

IT IS OPENED
Members of online dating sites can get hundreds of messages a day – particularly the women – so it’s vital that yours stands out. You might have written an awesome profile and a killer message to go with it, but unless you give the recipient a good reason to check them out, he or she probably won’t. So how do you convince people that you’re worth a closer look? By devoting just as much time to writing a subject line as you do to writing everything else. If the header is funny, unique, or references something specific in the recipient’s profile, the odds of the message being opened significantly increase.

IT IS READ
A good message is about a paragraph long. A message that’s too short says that you’re uninterested, lazy, and probably sending the same formulaic note to everyone. A message that’s too long, however, comes off as desperate, not to mention that if you say everything you have to say in the first message, you have nothing left to talk about!

Many of the things you’ve learned about writing a successful profile can be applied to message writing as well: eliminate any spelling and grammar errors, be intelligent and witty wherever you can, and use the “show, don’t tell” rule to illustrate your personality and positive attributes.

Don’t waste your time with physical flattery. You might be able to get away with one or two small compliments, but spend most of your time focusing on more interesting things that you admire about the person. Mention specific aspects of their profile that caught your eye, using phrases like “I noticed that…” and “You mention…” that indicate that you actually took the time to read through their profile, and highlight common interests and other similarities.

IT IS RESPONDED TO
Just like you need to give someone a reason to open your message, you need to give them a reason to respond to it. Ask thoughtful questions in your message – they indicate that you are genuinely interested in getting to know the person you’ve sent it to, and they give the person something to write about in their reply. Your messages should always end with a call to action, like “You mentioned that a trip to Thailand changed your life – drop me a line and tell me the story!”

The last bit of advice I want to give you is this: do NOT think that clicking a button that says “Wink” or “Flirt” counts as first contact with someone you’re interested in. It takes no thought or effort, and anyone receiving something like this knows that the sender does not take things seriously.

The amount of information available on the Internet about choosing an effective picture for an online dating profile is enough to make anyone’s brain go into Stage 5 Meltdown Mode. 

You could spend hours reading about MySpace angles, the pros and cons of showing skin, and the success rate of pics with puppies, or you could simply continue reading this, a brief guide to picking the perfect profile photo that will have you ready to start exploring your online love life in just a few minutes. The choice is yours.

Have you made a decision?

Good. Let’s get right to the juicy facts and fictions surrounding the profile photo.

The biggest myth about profile pictures is that you don’t need one. Yes, we all want to be loved for our dazzling intellects, deep souls, and one-of-a-kind personalities, but it’s a fact that profiles without pictures get significantly fewer views than those with them. 

“Fine!” you say, sulking like a petulant teenager. “I’ll upload a photo. But I’m doing it because I want to, not because you tell me to. Now how do I choose the right one?”

Excellent question.

When it comes to the profile picture, context is key. Instead of weighing your profile down with bland statements like “I love to cook,” “I’m in a band,” and “I’m a total yoga fanatic,” use your pictures to illustrate your interests and your most attractive qualities. Replace “I’m an animal lover” with a picture of that time you went horseback riding in the Grand Canyon. Trade “Soccer is my favorite sport” for a photo of you scoring the winning goal at last weekend’s match. “I love to travel” is much less interesting than a shot of you at the top of Mount Everest!

Ok, so that last example might have been a little extreme, but you get the idea…

A picture of you doing something interesting offers other members an easy way to start chatting with you, and studies have shown that messages based off of photos like these lead to the most meaningful conversations.

The next myth might surprise you. 

You should never upload a profile photo taken with a mobile phone or webcam, right? 

According to research from OkCupid.com, that’s actually fiction. The site conducted a study of 7,000 photos uploaded by its members and found that, contrary to popular belief, profiles featuring pictures taken with cell phones and webcams received a high volume of messages. The study also revealed that women received the most responses when they flirted directly with the camera and smiled with their lips closed, while men got the most responses when they posted pictures with animals, ab shots (if their abs were worth showing off, that is!), and photos in which they were looking away from the camera.

If you’re still having trouble deciding which pictures to use, consider posting a few options on a site like HotOrNot.com or asking a few of your closest friends. You’ll be surprised at how widely opinions can vary, even when the photos are all of the same person, and there’s a good chance that the picture other people like best isn’t the one you would have guessed.

Let’s get straight down to business. If you found your way here from “Profile Writing: The Do’s,” you have some ideas about what you should be doing in order to craft an effective online dating profile (and if you didn’t, take a moment to read that article as soon as you’re done with this one!). 

It’s time now to talk about everything you don’t want to do when creating a profile:

• Don’t succumb to clichés. If you want to meet that special someone over the Internet, your profile has to stand out from millions of others. Filling it with quotes like “I’m one of the funniest people you’ll ever meet” or “I like to have fun and take long walks on the beach” is not the way to accomplish that.
• Don’t lie. It can be incredibly tempting to stretch the truth when filling out a dating profile, but what seems like a little white lie in text usually feels like a massive untruth when you meet a date in person. I’ll be talking more about lies in dating profiles in a future article, so stay tuned!
• Don’t state the obvious. You might love traveling, but saying “I love to travel” is not going to get you very far in the world of online dating. Think about it: almost everyone likes to travel, so mentioning it as an interest doesn’t set you apart from the site’s other members at all. Sharing the story of one of your favorite travel memories, however, does. Remember what you were taught in your elementary school writing classes:show, don’t tell.
• Don’t talk about past relationships. Other members will not be interested in exploring their potential future with you if you seem like you’re stuck in the past. There are appropriate times to discuss former partners and other baggage in new relationships, but your online dating profile definitely isn’t one of them.
• Don’t write a novel. An online dating profile is supposed to be a glimpse into who you are that will make your readers want to know more about you. If you include every detail about your life, there will be nothing more to know, and no incentive for other members to contact you.
• Don’t be too specific. I know I told you that knowing what you want and writing a targeted profile are do’s, but hear me out: if you write that you’re only interested in meeting people with red hair and green eyes, who live in Texas and are over 5’10”, and who know how to make sushi and salsa dance, you’re going to miss out on a lot of awesome potential matches. Why put unnecessary limitations on finding love?

The last thing I’d like you to remember about profile writing is this: your profile is always a work in progress. Don’t be afraid to edit, update, and revamp it as often as you need to. You are a constantly evolving creature, so make sure that your profile continues to reflect who you are by allowing it to evolve with you.