She smokes. He doesn’t tip waiters. She’s obsessed with her phone. He gets wasted every weekend. Are these things merely irritating, or are they harbingers of a total relationship meltdown up ahead?
According to research by scientists at Western Sydney University, Indiana University, the University of Florida, Singapore Management University, and Rutgers University, dealbreakers have more power in long-term relationships than in short-term relationships. Women have more dealbreakers than men, but both men and women who consider themselves to be highly desirable have more dealbreakers than the average person.
Overall, daters tend to weigh dealbreakers more heavily than dealmakers - meaning negative attributes overshadow good ones, no matter how good they are.
In other words, you’d better clean up your act. If you want to put your best foot forward in a relationship, it’s essential to recognize your own bad habits and work to improve them.
Thankfully, eHarmony is here to help. The dating site recently released user data from 619,533 eHarmony subscribers that revealed the top dating dealbreakers for men and women.
Being rude took the top spot, with 77% of men and 79% of women saying being boorish will end a relationship. Hanging out with an ex came in second with 71% of men and 73% of women saying keeping in touch with a former flame is a no-go. Lying came in third with 61% of men and 62% of women saying they wouldn’t tolerate it. Bringing up the rear is laziness, which only came in at 17% of men and 18% of women.
“While we weren’t surprised to see that rudeness was an important factor for both men and women, we were interested in the fact that it beat out lying and hanging out with an ex as a dealbreaker!” said Jeannie Assimos, editor in chief at eHarmony.
Some of eHarmony’s other key insights include:
- 1 out of 4 women and 1 out of 5 men say cursing is a turn-off. On the whole, it’s not a dealbreaker for most women, but 77% of men say it’s sufficient reason to end a relationship.
- Nearly half of men and women say it’s a nice bonus when a partner stays in shape, but only 21% of women and 29% of men say it’s a must.
- Stingy dates are often undesirable. Nearly half of men say they’re ok with dating a cheapskate, but 3 out of 4 women say no way.
- About 4 out of 5 men say they are fine dating someone who still lives with their parents, but more than half of women say they won’t date someone who hasn’t moved out.