Online dating puts us in touch with hundreds of singles we wouldn’t otherwise meet through our own network of friends and family.  With all of the choice available, why does it seem so hard to meet the perfect guy or girl for us?

Too much choice can be as limiting as too little, depending on how you approach meeting people online.  If you start the search process with specific lists of what you want in a partner and what you want to avoid, you could be hindering your own search and not even realize it.  The key is to keep an open mind and open heart, and not let your past mistakes and experiences color your outlook.

Following are some tips for keeping your expectations in check, so you don’t lose out on opportunity by being too picky: 

• Refrain from listing what you DON’T want in a partner.  Although it’s tempting to say, “I don’t want someone who attracts drama” or “I don’t want someone who is too needy”, what you’re communicating to others is where past relationships have gone wrong, and that you still feel resentful.  It’s a turn-off to make a list in your profile of what you don’t want in a partner.

• Don’t make your list too specific.  It’s fine if you’re looking for a girl or guy with similar interests, but don’t get carried away and list every single quality you desire.  Chances are, you’re being a bit unrealistic in expecting one person to be the perfect blend of everything you want, and you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.  Online dating is about expanding your social circle and dating a variety of people.  This is a good way to fine-tune what you really want, so don’t filter out too many prospects in the beginning.

• What makes for a fun date doesn’t necessarily make for a good partner.  I have several girlfriends who envision meeting the perfect partner, say one who is handsome, charming, ambitious, successful, romantic, likes to dance, and likes to have fun.  Although this is a good list for having a great date, these qualities aren’t necessarily what to look for in the long term.  Just because he is handsome and charming doesn’t mean he’s good partner material.  Think about the values you want to share, like kindness and consideration, rather than only superficial qualities.

• Reconsider your “must-nots” or deal-breakers.  If you won’t date anyone who is older than you, who has been married before, or who makes less than you do for example, it’s time to reconsider your filters.  These are not relationship deal-breakers, so don’t restrict your choices so thoroughly from the beginning.  Perhaps the girl who is a few years older is perfect for you in every other way, or maybe the guy who’s making less now is saving to start his own business. 

Bottom line, keep an open mind and don’t limit yourself to who you think you should be dating.  And don’t let your past get in the way of meeting a great future partner.